Le sigh. It's been so long since I posted. While I haven't stopped shooting. And I haven't missed a day yet. I have been very lax on posting. That is because of many reasons. There has been much upheaval. The BF and I house sat for a good friend, Kenar, the month of Sept. while she was in Turkey. And the weekend before Thanksgiving she lost her battle with cancer. She was in such a deep state of denial that she didn't deal with it. It has been very very hard on me. We had become such good friends. We hung out a lot and she kept my spirits up when I was having a bad day.
Kenar and I had many long talks about being sick and how to deal with the day to day BS. She had this strange notion that she had in some way she had caused her cancer. And she couldn't understand why I have RA because I am a good person. I never understood why she thought that the cancer was her penance. She had gone to several holistic doctors that told her she could cure the cancer by changing her thinking or eating differently or drinking some kind of tea. I had told her on many occasions that I thought she should go to a Western doctor and have it cut out and have chemo. But I told her it's her journey, her path and that she had to make the decision. And she kept telling me that Western doctors are only out to cut and make money. That she could do this a different way. She was so stubborn.
After Halloween I hadn't heard from her in several weeks. I started to get worried. I had called, I had texted, I had emailed. I was ready to go over to her house and find out why she hadn't gotten back to me. Her cousin called me back after I had called like 3 times in a row. Kenar was in the hospital and cancer had spread to her bones, her liver and brain. And things didn't look good. The BF and I would go visit her in the hospital. She didn't look good. Her family decided to try radiation, to try to buy her some time. It didn't work, so they took her home. Kenar passed at home on Nov. 20th at 7:20 am. She was 36 years old.
Kenar's death has thrown me. I am very confused. I know that there wasn't anything I could do to change her mind about getting some kind of treatment. I am just so very sad that I lost someone who special to me. If you only met Kenar once, she made you feel like you had known her forever. She was so giving and so kind.
Even just this little bit of writing doesn't even remotely touch on how I feel. It's been so rough on me.
With the upcoming holidays, things are only gonna get busier. And I know that I need to take some time for myself and get the things done that I have neglected. This blog is one of those things. I promise that this will be all up to date before the new year. I promise! :)
